Monday, January 14, 2008

Broken Hearted

It's been a very rough day. Today was the day that we met with the Palliative Care Team...which included a Pediatrician, Nurse & Social Worker. We also met with the attending who has been managing Kate's care for the past 2 weeks.

And...after all those meetings, talking with our pastor and families, lots of talks between the two of us and tons of prayer... it is obvious that nothing further can be done to fix Kate's heart. At this point, any radical measures taken now would most likely only prolong her life in the hospital by days. It really wasn't a hard decision in that all signs are pointing in that direction: Kate's heart failure is severe and is getting worse, her heart is of "impressive" size and growing (quote from the charts...that not being a positive word in this case), there are no other surgical options and she continues to decline. It was a hard decision in that now we know that we have just days left with our precious Kate.

We have decided to leave her here in Michigan...as we don't wish to bring her home and expose Seth to that environment. Plus...our biggest wish is that she remain comfortable...and that can best be done here in a hospital setting. The Palliative Care Team asked us what we wanted most for Kate...and we told them to feed her icecream and take her for walks.

She did get a walk around the 5th floor today...but only accompanied (and pushed) by 2 ICU nurses. That was tough...because that was always Andy's "job" to push Kate when we took walks. If we get to go again...we want to do the pushing. Kate did seem to enjoy her ride and flashed her occasional cheesy smile.

We are continuing the current meds she is on, which includes 4 doses each of IV Lasix & Diurel. We have noticed that Kate is already getting puffy around the eyes...a sign that her body just can't handle the fluid. We know that each time we walk into the room it will continue to get harder and harder. As her heart failure gets worse and the fluids build up....they will have to sedate her more to keep her comfortable.

Our emotions are running wild right now....just when you think you can cry no more...you do. Just when you think you couldn't laugh...Kate makes you. We are in desperate need of prayer for peace as the next few days are going to be hard...right now even unbearable. Sleeping is hard...as my mind just runs crazy. But...we have the hope of Christ and the assurance He is walking with us...if not carrying us right now.

We spent our evening just loving on our little girl...giving her a bath...reading her favorite book...clapping and smiling with her...praying with her...and just patting her back as she fell asleep....saying goodnight....not knowing if tonight will be the last.

We love you sweet girl!

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Krista and Andy,

Who would have thought that a child with a defective heart could reach out and touch the hearts and souls of so many others?
Kate IS a Miracle!

Please know that you are not alone as you walk by Kate’s side on her journey.

Sending you Faith, Hope, Courage, and Love,

--and Great Big Hugs, Susan

Vanessa said...

Krista and Andy,

I am having a hard time just comprehending what you just said. Even though I have never met Kate I feel so connected with her. She is the first person I check on when I wake up every morning. I am praying and interceding for Kate. Don't lose faith in this journey. I know thing are very rough right now and I wish I could be there to just give you both a big hug.

This Thursday I am speaking at an event for the American Heart Association. I am trying to bring awareness of CHD's and the children that fight for their lives every day. I am not good at public speakig but I know I need to speak on behalf of our kids. I am doing this for Arianna, Kate, and all the other children affected by a CHD. My prayers are with you all and know that you are not alone in this. Give her a big hug and kiss from me please! Tell her I love her and she is loved so much by someone in Arizona.

God Bless,

Anonymous said...

We have never met Kate and only met the two of you at the funeral home, but we knew and loved Larry. No man could love his grandchildren more than Larry did.

Kate's grandpa is waiting for her.They will both run and jump down those streets of gold and neither one of them will remember the pain. He will hold her and tell her stories and they will laugh together.

I can see him now, smiling, grabbing Kate in his arms and running to our Lord saying "This is my Katie, I'll take care of her."

Our prayers are for strength for both of you and our Cathy.

Melissa said...

Andy, Krista, and all; my heart breaks for you this morning as I checked the blog. The tears are flowing as I can not imagine the pain you are feeling not knowing how much longer you will have Kate. I will continue to pray for Kate's comfort and for the medical team to ensure that she is comfortable. I will also pray for your peace in knowing that Kate will be able to run and play and laugh up in heaven with her grandpa cheering her on. God will carry you and give you the strength you need, I am sure of that! God bless you all!

Anonymous said...

Dear Krista and Andy,
I woke up this morning to read your blog, just as I always do. I have laughed and cried and smiled and prayed everyday when reading. Today I sobbed. I will continue to pray for beautiful Kate and for Seth and you both.
Being a mom of a baby with the same heart defect, I can't help but see Jack in Kate. These children are incredible. Kate is incredible and has been such a blessing to us although we have never met her in any way other than through your blog.
Sending lots of prayers...
Kelly (Jack's mom)

Anonymous said...

Krista and Andy,
There are no words I can think of that can ease your pain. Just know that you are being prayed for and Kate's life has touched so many that have never even met her, or you. The way you have handled all of this has brought many closer to our Savior, I'm sure of that.

With love & prayers,
LeAnn P.

Anonymous said...

As I attempt to digest your words, I am filled with profound sadness. I can't even imagine the emotions you are dealing with as you walk this strange path together. As you cherish the time you have with Kate, please love on her from all of us who share your blog. She has touched so many from your words and you are all loved and prayed for daily. Enjoy those walks and special treats today with sweet Kate! Hugs!
Donna

Anonymous said...

Krista and Andy,

I read the latest news through tears. I am broken hearted for you.

Kate and you two have touched my life and my friends life in a big way.

We will continue to prayer for comfort and peace for all of you.

Love, Linda Creek

Grabb Family said...

Krista and Andy,

I am so sorry to hear that you have received this news. We know and understand your pain, having lost our son at U of M in June of 2006 to a heart defect.

It has not been easy but God has always been here for us. He continues to hold us up.

Enjoy little Kate and love on her all you can. Know we will be praying for you.

Terri Grabb

Anonymous said...

I just cannot believe what I am reading. I live for those pictures of that beautiful little girl wholoves popsicles so much. My biggest regret is that I never got to meet her in person and hold her the last time you were home.

You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. May God wrap his loving arms around you and give you peace during this most difficult time for your entire family.

Debbie

Jim & Karen said...

Andy and Krista,
Our lives have been touched by Kate and your faith and the network of prayers on this blog. We have done some crying just now too.
You are godly parents, and your testimony is something the world needs desperately to see. God bless your family on this difficult part of your journey.

Anonymous said...

Krista and Andy,
Peace be with you as you make your difficult decisions. All that Kate knows from her very short life is that her family loves her very much and is giving her the best possible care. I will continue to keep all of you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Your dad always said he had to take care of Katie, he had to make sure she was alright.
How silly of us to think he meant here on earth!

Give my Princess Katherine a hug and kiss and tell her grandma has always loved her to the moon and back!

"Because HE Lives We Can Face Tomorrow"

Anonymous said...

Dearest Krista and Andy,
I read your sad news through tears this morning. I know that words can't begin to help you - you have said them all to yourselves a million times. Just know that you are in our prayers - comfort for Kate and peace for you. May the Lord enfold you with His love as you love your precious girl. Linda D.

Anonymous said...

Kate,

Job well done.
Grandpa and God are waiting for you.
Go Kate Go!

Amen

Samantha said...

Dear Layman Family,
My heart is breaking for you all during this time. I am praying for peace for you all. I am so sorry to read these words, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. Like Susan said, Kate is a miracle...she has touched so many lives and taught us all so many lessons. I am here for you if you need anything...please email or call me.

Love,
Samantha

Anonymous said...

Krista & Andy,

We are broken hearted for you and Andy. The tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write. I cannot imagine having to endure what you are. I know that you don't want "pity," but we are so truly sorry for you. No amount of faith and prayer can take away the pain you are feeling right now. All we can offer is our love and support. Kate is loved by so many and has touched us all.

We continue to pray for peace and strength. We love you,

Gina

Anonymous said...

Krista and Andy,
My heart goes out to you in this most difficult of times. You are surrounded by the prayers of so many people - may they help you bear this almost unbearable pain.

You have a very special little girl and are very special people.

Ann

Anne said...

As I sit here and cry with you my heart hurts for you all! Know that many prayers of peace are being sent from Texas!

Anonymous said...

Dear KK,

I'm so lucky that I was able to spend time with you and Kate this past summer in Indianapolis. My best and favorite memory of my time with her is when she does her "Soooo Big!!" hand gesture. That's priceless!

Continue to be strong -- I'm thinking about you every minute of every hour of every day.

Love you, roommie. :)

XOXO,
Mira

Anonymous said...

Words are failing me at this time. Just know that I am thinking of all of you and believing whatever happens...God is in control.
~LeAnne Stahl

Anonymous said...

Krista and Andy,

My heart breaks for you, as does Jesus'.

I found this verse this morning:
Romans 8:16-17

The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if only we suffer with him so that we may be glorified with him.

May peace fill your heart! You both are remarkable parents who have exhausted every avenue to help your beautiful daughter.

Know that you continue to be on our prayer power list at church.

Susan

Anonymous said...

Dear Krista and Andy,
You all have touched my life in a very real way. Kate is one of God's littlest angels, who has been sent to touch many lives. God knew that you were the perfect parents to care for her. We don't understand God's timing, but her Grandpa is now waiting for her with Jesus. Hold tight to Him, He WILL carry you through this, too.
Praying and crying with you,
Vicki

The Portas said...

My heart just broke into a million pieces as I read through this post. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling right now. We will continue to pray hard for you guys and now, for much PEACE for the two of you. Keep your eyes on God. He IS carrying you right now. Trust in Him. He will lead the way.

Megan, Dan & Elijah

Lori said...

Krista and Andy, LeAnn has shared your story with me and I'm so saddened by the news you've gotten. My prayers are going out for peace and comfort for all of you. May God be by your side, and Kate's, in the coming days and always.

--Lori (LeAnn's roommate from BSU)

Anonymous said...

"STAND STRONG"
1 Peter 5:10
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
Remember it says 'after', not when or if, but after.
Remember the miracle of HOPE that does not disappoint.
That miracle is before you in the form of KATE. Continue to rejoice in that.

Anonymous said...

Oh my heart breaks for you. I am in tears as I read your post. I know I have never met you or your precious Kate, but she truly is a miracle and God has blessed us all by giving her to us, if only for a short time. Know that you are are being prayed for daily and that God is with you on this journey. Many blessings for peace and courage in the coming days.

Love and Blessings!
Kim Tinker

Anonymous said...

Dear Krista and Andy,
I read your blog every morning and my heart breaks for you and your family. I know that our God surrounds you with peace and holds you in the palm of His hand. Kate has touched so many lives with her journey. I know God’s presence fills Kate’s room and He is providing comfort, peace and direction to His children. You are in my prayers today and my thoughts throughout the day and night.

Sandy

Anonymous said...

Dear Krista & Andy,

My heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you. Kate is a priceless gift. Thank you for sharing your journey. I know the Lord is with you and holding your family in His arms.

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26

God Bless

Anonymous said...

Krista, Andy, Seth and Kate,

We love you and are crying with you today. We pray that God will give you His peace, the peace which passes all understanding.

God's Blessings,
Carrie & Kurt

Anonymous said...

Dear Krista and Andy,
You know your precious little angel is doing more with her life in this short period than most of us do in a lifetime. We don't always know what God's plan is for our lives but it is certain that Precious Kate and your family has been used to minister to thousands of people across the country. She is an angel on earth and I just pray that you and your family will find peace and comfort at this most difficult time. God Bless you all. Love Etta & Dave

Anonymous said...

Andy and Krista,

We love you and are praying for you during this time..... It's hard to know what else to say besides that. Baby Kate is a blessing and has touched so many hearts and lives. Probably more than many adult people in their entire lives.

We're praying.
Toby, Amy, Izzy and Cooper

Anonymous said...

Dearest Krista and Andy,

There are no words that I can say that could make this not happen. For some reason our Lord wantd Kate to be with him. She has touched so many of us while she was here and that is so very special. I keep singing this today thinking of your little Kate....Jesus loves the little Children ...All the Children of the World. They are Precious in his sight .......And boy was she PRECIOUS.
We pray for your peace now.
John and Linda S.

Kathy said...

Krista and Andy,
I read your post last night before going to bed (it's my ritual)...and you it made me cry myself to sleep. You and I are living parallel lives right now...and my heart shattered when I read your words. I just want to fly out to hug you right now. I'm almost speechless....Kate doesn't look that bad in the pictures. We have big plans for Kate...has she not been reading them? I'll send you an email...please call me if you need to...even if you just want me to listen to you breathe. I prayed (with teary eyes) for you and your family...that peace will find you and that you can spend your days loving on your princess.
Please find faith in that you are not alone. Please know that Kate CHOSE you both to be her parents. You were chosen to give her a body and bring her to earth. You are blessed in every way having such an angel in your lives. (I can't hug you tight enough right now)!
We are here for you,
kathy and family

Dina said...

Krista and Andy
I found baby Kate by way of baby Isaac's blog. I felt like I was just getting to know her and she is an incredible little girl. As a fellow heart mom my heart breaks for your family. Please know that a heart family in California has you in our thoughts.
Dina

klingshirn said...

Wish I could write something to comfort you, but I can't. Just know that Kate and you guys have taught us many, many lessons about life. It would take lots of time to list them all. Just know we are praying for you, crying with you (even though we aren't there and don't know you) and keeping you in our thoughts. Kate is a beautiful little girl who touches many!! The Klingshirns

Anonymous said...

Dear Krista and Andy,

Your posting brings such sad news. Kate has touched the lives of so many in her short time here. Her endurance and fighting spirit has inspired us and continues to inspire us.

I'm praying that God's strength and comfort will surround you in these very difficult days, and that your Angel will find peace.

Nancy Givens

Anonymous said...

Krista and Andy,

I am deeply saddened by the most recent news you have received. I have just spent the last hour going through you blog - What a testament of love and faith!! Kate is such a blessing to so many people that don't even know her. She is truly an angel here on earth. I have been praying and will continue to pray that God's peace, which surpasses all understanding will guard you hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:7)

In His name,
Lyndsay Davis

volleyfrogdb said...

Andy and Krista:

I am friends with Gene and LeeAnne and have been praying for Kate since she was born. I have her little picture in my bathroom to remind me to pray for her each day. I had lost touch with the blog for several months and just got it figured out while talking to Gene this weekend. Please know that though I don't know you, I am on my knees for you all during this difficult time. As so many have said, "Your baby girl as well as you and your unending faith, have changed my life." Please know that I will continue to pray throughout the coming days and nights.
May God wrap you tighter in His arms!
Love in Him,
Dawn

Anonymous said...

We did not read this until after word came that the angels had come and taken your sweet, little girl to be with Jesus. Our hearts break for you, but now you know that she is not hurting. AND she has the best care ever in the arms of our Lord. God Bless you all.
Love & Prayers,
Ray & Mary Hamrick

Anonymous said...

Krista and Andy,
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said.
Your life with Kate Has been an inspiration to many
thousand people.We pray for your peace and know
that God is holding all of you in His precious
wonderful arms.Little Kate's story and the way you
share has been a renewal for many of us.Larry will
take of her and show her all of his wonderful and
silly tricks.His arms are waiting for her to run to him.
Cathy is right!How silly of us to think it was here on
earth.
Love,hug and prayers,
Mike and Marilyn