Sunday, February 10, 2008

Stacks and Piles

Well...I spent about 3 hours in Kate's room today. Everything is still in there...except for some trash...it's just now "organized" into piles...stacks of tubs/baskets that I will deal with at some point.


Stack 1: "the toys stack" 4 tubs of toddler toys and 1 tub of baby toys. Those weren't too hard...cause I have hope...hope that another baby will use them at some point. Many were Seth's...some were just Kate's...and a few were even Christmas presents she barely played with (those were the hard ones).

Stack 2: "the get rid of stack" There's a giant box of toys...mostly older toys that have been through several kids (most of them garage sale finds). Even when we have another child...NO KID needs this many toys. Plus...a giant garage bag STUFFED FULL of stuffed animals. She got so many of those while in the hospital. I know I don't want this "pile"...but whether to give it to good will or sell in a garage sale...I don't know yet!

Stack 3: "the trash" This was the stuff that was easy to get rid of...the memories you don't want: the brace from her hip dysplasia, her thumb brace from her indwelling thumb, the medicine stained clothes she always wore in the hospital, the left-over hospital stuff...those are the things you have no desire to cling to.

Stack 4: "the hard stuff" Her bed is full of the hard stuff: the quilt Nana made, the Build-A-Bear that her cousins gave her that wishes her a Merry Christmas and tells her they love her, the stuffed flower Seth picked out for her when she was born that has been in every hospital bed, the stool with her name on it, the Bible she got at Baby Sunday at church, her baby books...these are the things I struggle with the most...I definitely don't want to get rid of them...but what do you do with them? I guess for now...I'll wait...I'm sure time will help to make those decisions.

All the books went back on the bookshelf...the blankets and diapers went under the changing table. I didn't do anything with her clothes yet...those will be hard. The dresses...the beautiful dresses she never got a chance to wear! But again...hope.

I guess that was the overriding feeling I had to cling to today: hope...hope that someday some of Kate's things will be used again. I guess it wasn't too hard today, because I really didn't get rid of anything...or even move it out of her room. I didn't really have to "let go" of anything yet. Her room was originally Seth's...it's the nursery. I still have a lot of memories of Seth being in that room...I have a lot of memories of Kate...and someday I'll have more memories of....But at least now...I can get in the room...sit in the rocker and cherish those "memories" of rocking my little sweethearts to sleep, changing their diapers and reading them a bedtime story.

It's a darling room...Cathy (Andy's mom) painted the mural before Seth was born. My mom sewed all the coordinating crib stuff and curtains. Once Seth came along: we "boyed" it up with frogs and bugs...Before Kate was born...we moved Seth to his "big-boy" room and then were able to really "girl-it-up" with flowers, butterflies and more pink stuff!

8 comments:

Melissa said...

That is a beautiful nursery! I'm glad you were able to spend some alone time in it with Kate's things and your thoughts. Praying that it wasn't too difficult, but was a time of remembering and hoping. God bless you!

Kathy said...

The room is beautiful!
What about a beautiful "hope" chest to put all the things in that are so meaningful. They'll always be in one spot...and you can go there to see them anytime you want.
I hope the organizing wasn't too painful...but, brought you more peace. We love you Krista.

The Portas said...

What a beautful room! Wow!

I'm so glad you were able to sort through some things (emotional as well).

Take care!

Mel said...

What a huge and hard step to spend time in Kate's room. It is such a beautiful place and I know that it is painful to be in there, and I'm so glad that you are finding some hope in that space, too.

May God give you the peace, strength, comfort and joy that you need each day.

One more Stuart story - overheard in his prayer a couple nights ago - "Dear Jesus, thank you for a thing called dying because it means we get to see you.".

Vanessa said...

What a beautiful room! I think you are doing just fine so don't even worry about a thing. I pray that you will be able to use Kate's stuff again. For now its just fine where its at. You know I am always here for you if you need anything.

Anonymous said...

Little Kate's room is so cute. You guys did a really nice job on it. Don't worry about getting rid of Kate's things. There is no rush. Just keep them for now and worry about what to do with her things latter. Praying for you guys continually.
Sheri

Anonymous said...

maybe some barely used bears would like to sit in a pew at Covenant

Mina said...

It's such a happy room. Hopefully some day it will belong another baby, loved just like Kate and Seth.